Sunday, 30 December 2012

DEC 30, 12 .. PERFECTIONISM .. AND A 'MEETING' ..


Let’s start with the word assume .. I ASSUME that some of you ( or maybe many of you? ) know that I am active in a twelve-step program of recovery.  Those of you who do not know what I am talking about, may want to just stop reading here because what I plan to write will make NO SENSE to you.  You will also notice that my web site .. titled my Doxology .. is in praise of my creator .. The God of Abraham, to whom I rhetorically ask, “How do things like this happen Oh God of Abraham?”  OK .. last Friday, December the 21st, I did a post about THE THREE P’s -- Perfectionism .. Procrastination .. Paralysis.  Now let me tie-this-all-together for you who are interested in reading forward.

Sunday Morning .. December 30th, 2012 .. I am EXPLODING WITH ENERGY!  Last night I slept a full eight (8) hours, unusual for me since I seldom sleep this long at night.  I was up before 7AM and .. let me tell you all .. I was ‘wired up’ and exploding with energy.  As I was doing my morning process, I kept thinking quietly to myself .. “I think that I will go to my favorite 8:30AM Sunday Morning men’s meeting.”  And so I did.

The meeting is based upon the book .. ‘As Bills Sees It’.  We do not randomly 'pick-a-page' to read in the book .. each week we progress through the book one-page-at-a-time in sequential order.  Not having been to the meeting for some time .. I did not have a clue as to which page we would be reading this morning.   At this point in my recovery process, I usually say little at meetings UNLESS I feel that maybe I can contribute something positive to the meeting.  I am quite comfortable and happy to just sit quietly and relax and let other newer members share.  Also at this particular meeting, many members want to share and it is usually a matter of having to ‘break in’ immediately after a member finishes his share since someone else will be ‘poised’ to begin their share.. and I do not like having to ‘compete’ to ‘get time to share’.  Finally .. seldom to NEVER do I actually lead the meeting. 

8:30AM the meeting began on-time.  One member ‘chairs’ the meeting.  After all of the meeting preliminaries were completed .. The Serenity Prayer .. The Preamble .. How It Works .. announcements .. the usual meeting format .. this morning the ‘chairman’ then stated thusly:  “Today we are on page 167 of ‘As Bill Sees It’.  Who would like to read page 167 and share on the reading?”  Keep-in-mind what I just posted here last Friday .. two days ago!  The Three P’s .. As I casually glanced at today's reading on page 167 .. I was STUNNED!

Page 167 of ‘As Bill Sees It’ is titled: 

Progress Rather than Perfection.

“On studying the Twelve Steps, many of us exclaimed, “What an order, I can’t go though with it.”  Do not be discouraged.  No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these spiritual principles.  We are not saints.

The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines.  The principles that we have set down are guides to progress.  We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.

We … … are not so much brothers in virtue as we are bothers in our defects, and in our common strivings to overcome them.”

End partial Quote (I omitted two words)

As I posted last Friday .. daily I live with this crippling affliction of paralyzing  perfectionism!  It Must Be God’s Will that I have these web site(s) and that I actually am able to post writings.  Patti knows how I ‘agonize’ over these posts and have to overcome my committees that are constantly saying .. “No one reads your posts!  No one cares about what you post!” blah-blah-blah!  Thank you Oh God Of Abraham for that one-quiet-little-one-person-committee inside-of-my-head that almost shyly says .. it always amazes me how I can actually hear that one-quiet-shy-little-voice above the ‘din’ of the others! .. “It will be all right.  Go ahead.”

Well this morning I did NOT have to ‘grab-the-lead’ .. none of the others seemed ‘moved to read and to share’ about the above  reading .. so off I went .. revved up and energized!

I can’t recall the last time that an hour-and-a-quarter meeting went by so quickly for me!  Dare I say 'it'?  For me at least .. a perfect meeting!

All I can end with is:

OH GOD OF ABRAHAM MY CREATOR .. THANK YOU FOR THE MEETING THIS MORNING!  FOR ME IT WAS A WHEW!

Smiles .. Cap ..

Now I will be gratefully quiet for weeks to come!   

2 comments:

  1. Cap,

    You can tell the committee that though some do not read your posts often they, such as myself, always enjoy catching up with Cap and quietly cheer him on. Some of us cannot help but be inspired by your zest for life. And for that we are grateful, for it does inspire those of us who know you to examine ours.

    Andrej

    ReplyDelete
  2. WHEW! Thank you so very very much Andrej! Truly I am deeply touched ..

    ReplyDelete

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